Do you ever watch one of those shows that has some dumb criminal is getting arrested for a 2ND time for the same crime, caught by the same dumb mistake. Today, I was that guy.

My day started going down hill when I came back from lunch and one of my managers called my cell phone from inside the store. There is only one time we do that, it means my boss is in the store. Surprise visits are bad enough, but surprise visits on Saturday when traditionally your store is not looking it's very best is worse. I survived with only a few cuts and scraps. I get to see him again in just a few days. Perhaps one day I will go into detail what a visit is like. The Wife couldn't even tell you, I don't talk about them.

My day got worse, my wife called me later in the evening to inform me I would need to stop on the way home to get something from the store. I hate to shop on Saturday nights, it is always busy and I am tired from work. Tonight, not only would I have to visit the store on a Saturday night, but I would be buying what every red blooded man would prefer not to have to buy, femanine products.

Flashback: first time I had to buy these was for my mom when I was about 14. I felt so dirty. I stood on the aisle pacing back and forth for about 20 minutes. Don't ask what the deal was, just had to work myself up to it.
My question is why can't women send Men to buy other things at the same time, it always has to be "honey, I just need those"

So on the way home I debate which way to go home, I choose the streets hoping to visit a small store that has a self checkout so I don't have to worry about being seen with my pretty pink package.
I choose the streets and find myself in one of those sobriety checks the police like to do. I don't have to worry since the heaviest thing I had to drink today was a Cherry Dr. Pepper with extra cherry syrup. (available at your local Sonic for ninety-six cents between 2-4.) I sit in this line for what seemed like an hour, check the sport scores on the phone, watch as cars try to turn around and get away from the police check. I watched the passenger in the car in front of me spray something in the car and then time it just right as they dodge the police car and make a u-turn and somehow get away. I just continue to chill. Then my turn comes and I give the officer my license and proof of insurance. Everything is cool. The officer is chit chatting with me, then all of a sudden he says, "did you know your tags where expired?"

10 minutes later, I drive away irate. My tags expired a week ago. So here is where the dumb criminal thing comes in. I just paid a ticket for the other van about a month ago. Guess what for? Expired tags! We never got the renewal notice for either car, because I have not updated my license and the state probably sent the notice to my previous address. I asked for mercy which is something I have never done. Denied.

I finally make it to the store to buy my pretty pink package. (I don't quite understand why there are more choices of these things then there are of ice cream flavors) I go to check out and get distracted by a text and decide to reply. I stand in front of the self checkout and type my response. I then look up and realize all the self checkouts-are closed.

Two checkers are standing there willing to help me out. One checks me out while the other stands there and stares. I get my receipt and tell her they are for my emergency kit at home, heard they where good for filling bullet holes. OK, so not true, I didn't say a word, I took my pretty pink package and threw it in my see through bag and went home.

I am checking the tags on the Scooter!