Monday, August 18, 2008

3 Boys and a ?

Now that have all of the lady fans of the Deanery's attention, let me say sorry, no pregnancy announcement here. The Union and the Company have not come to terms yet and there seems to be no sense of urgency in resolving the issues. (seeking intervention from the Government)
However since there was such a negative response about my "compliments" in not having girls I stand (actually I am sitting) before you today to defend myself.
Now first let me explain that I would not be able to present a case strong enough to win a jury of all women, at least not strong enough to get a conviction.
My case: a girl doesn't fit.
  • A girl doesn't fit in the existing baby clothes we have.
  • A girl doesn't fit in our dark colored car seat, blue stroller.
  • A girl doesn't fit our targeted audience of Transformer and Hotwheel loving movie watchers.
  • A girl doesn't fit our 3 bedroom house that has one room dedicated to the habits of our already demanding female, and another to the girl's would be brothers.
  • A girl doesn't fit Mama's call of "com'on boys."
  • A girl doesn't fit in a boy's peed on toilet seat that is probably up anyway.
  • A girl doesn't fit at a table with three boys who eat spaghetti with their fingers.
  • A girl doesn't fit in our non-screaming, punching family. (Don't get me wrong, we have whining, just not much screaming.)

OK, so you get the idea. It isn't that I am opposed to having a girl, I am opposed to having to get a bigger house to maintain a balanced life where the inmates are not overcrowded and the warden is happy with her prison system. I am opposed to buying all the girls clothes that are needed to make her "cute." I like have a queen and not worrying about a princess. Lastly, I remember in high school my friends used to say I was whooped, and there is no doubt that I would be whooped, I don't want to give them that chance to break out their imaginary whips and crack them again.

The Deanery rests it's case.

Friday, August 15, 2008

I'm Obnoxious and other complaints and compliments

I am annoying. I never take anything seriously. There is always a joke, something that shouldn't be said that is probably running through my head. Common sense has a better chance at beating Michael Phelps in the butterfly than prevailing in my head.
Not only do I use sarcasm, but I use sarcasm about my sarcasm. I'm funny.
I drive my wife crazy, I don't know how she deals with me, it would wear me out.
My oldest is turning into me, try having a straight conversation with him.
Mariah Carey is still in love with me after all these years, you might be fooled by her marriage, but I know it's all to make me jealous.
I can't dance, play music with any quality or speak well.
Every time I read, I fall asleep, and that is not just the scriptures.
I like Mt. Dew. I like Mt. Dew alot.
I can't spell.
I like bad movies- current shames- Step Up 2 and Don't back down.
I don't get to spend Saturday's with my boys.
I don't get to spend Sunday's with my boys.
I can't solve every one's problems.
Nana's house is up for sale and I can't afford to buy it.
I like rap music.
I am not a perfectionist. I could make my blogs so much better if I was willing to put the time in. I don't even proofread them. (obviously)
no patience
I don't like to plan.
I don't serve my God enough!
I am not the perfect father.
I am not smarter than you.

On the other hand, I do have some good qualities.
I don't have an exorbitant amount of friends, but if you are my friend good luck not being my friend later. I am like a good lost dog.
I care about people and their beliefs and views.
I still don't like Country Music in general. (you have to respect Lyle Lovett and Cash)
I think about my friends all the time.
I try to be the perfect father.
I can make people laugh even if sometimes it has to be at me.
I surround myself with people who are better than me so I can learn from them.
I married up.
I don't have any girls.
Mariah Carey still loves me and Celine Dion has no idea I am alive.
I know I can't be perfect, and understand that I need others.
I have 3 very different boys who make me laugh, cry, and work harder at work and church.
I am spontaneous and energetic.
I love when others achieve their dreams.
I love my wife and understand her eternal value in our relationship and my life.
I am not dumber than you- I believe everyone is brilliant about something, just got get the conversation on the right course.
I love to watch the British Parliament more than Congress. here here!
I want you to be happy, more than I want me to be happy.
I am blessed with great family and friends who deal with complaints and let me believe the compliments.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Don't Tell My Wife

Last night it rained and since the ground was damp I took a quick opportunity to kill some weeds. I used a metal rake and loosened all the dirt.
This morning I walked out to the car to get something and saw this. (see picture below)

Looks like we have a snake! I know my wife, she will think it is a rattlesnake or something crazy so, I took a picture with the measurement to see how big this snake must be. . .

Looks like it is about an inch. I guess the boys will need to listen to me and wear shoes when they go out. . .

good thing my boys are graced with their fathers head. . .

no snake can unlock his jaws that much! If snakes take over the world, we are Darwin's next species.

Sunday, August 3, 2008


Yes I know that this picture was posted on my wife's blog. Yes, I understand you don't get it, let me explain it to you.

In-N-Out is not only the best hamburgers for the dollar, it is a place for great memories. I can remember many a time hanging out with two of my best friends, Dan and Tim. We would hop in either their escort or if for some reason my Mustang actually worked, we would ride in it. We would head over and for about $5.00 we would order a 4x4 wild style, fries and in my case, a strawberry shake. We would sit around and shoot the breeze. Nothing particular, just whatever. Dan and I usually would strike up some kind of random conversation. It used to be he and I trying to talk Tim into whatever scheme we were concocting that night. As time went on and I became L.D.S. the tables turned a little, I became the invited rather than the inviter. Dan and I were persuasive together, and stubborn against one another, but we agree on In-N-Out.

When I go home, (still won't give up the idea that I am a Californian) we eat there. I was lucky enough to get to go in Vegas, and now visiting my in-laws in St. George won't be so bad since they have one too.

I believe the conversion of my wife to hamburgers from only chicken took place in an In-N-Out in Barstow. I was on vacation with her family and she whined that we couldn't go there. Luckily for her and our relationship she still liked me enough to do something I wanted. Now I am glad to say, she enjoys an In-N-Out just as much as the rest of us.

I guess to wrap it up, In-N-Out for you tastes just like a hamburger, for me it is a memory stirring, mouth watering piece of perfection.

My only request to In-N-Out, as a poor starved man, is that they stop selling the shirts! Every now and then a person comes walking a long with one on. My stomach screams every time, "Why do you love her more than me?" Of course it speaks of my wife, who insists that we not move to California and live like all the rest of the Californians who can't afford the house they live in, at least not for a hamburger.

P.S. I sometimes think I should cut off little Scotty from visiting rights to the cool cousins when he sends me his smug little face on a postcard to celebrate MY birthday. Good thing for him he has an In-N-Out down the street, probably with a view of the beach.